Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring – It’s Creepy Phone
Sing song sing song sing song sing – It’s Creepy PhoooooooonE!
Bla bla bla Scary!
Bla bla bla Wary!
Somethin’ somethin’ somethin’ bla bla-

Anyway.. I wanna talk about ring tones. More specifically, cool ring tones. And even more specifically than that: Cool PODIOBOOK ring tones. Oh yes, these wacky, wacky podcast authors will stop at NOTHING to promote their stories, will they? It’s shameless! It’s- it’s .. uh.. what’s better than shameless? OOH OOH It’s Gratuitous!

That’s what it is.

Okay. So, you must be thinking, “podcast ringtones? Double-ewe Tea Eff? Srsly?!” And I say, “Oh yes, totally!” and then we probably talk about what’s for lunch and stuff. But that’s .. entirely different. Let’s not talk about lunch (I’m having ramen); let’s talk about the ring tones.

Mr. Phil Rossi’s
Mr. Scott Sigler’s
Mr. J.C. Hutchins’

Those are the links to the different podcaster ringtones That I have heard (so far?). And I have downloaded some from each, so my phone is all horrorific and creepified now.

J.C. Hutchins’ ringtones feature some of his readers’ favorite characters announcing a phonecall, or otherwise getting your attention. I personally suggest lending an ear to the “Killroy 2.0” soundbits – ESPECIALLY the gigging one. Though, Jack does do a good job of letting you know that he doesn’t know who’s calling. Also, if you don’t see a character you wanna hear a ringtone from, Mr. Hutchins takes requests. So. You know. Awesome.

Scott Sigler’s ringtones are evil. Um.. that’s about it. Evil. Whatever you do, do NOT go listen to these- okay DO go listen. They are fun (but evil) Especially the “We hungry” one. I am also pretty keen to the “Scott Sigler wans to kill you” one. Though (Pssst, Scott! Update!) You can also get phone wallpaper, like that groovy blue triangle eyeball thingy.. Ooh and if you want a pretty psychotic sounding one, get the “discipline” ringer.

Phil Rossi has made available some of the songs from his podcast novel’s score. My favorite is #4 (Otherside). It’s like, industrial / groove / scary and the dude sings! His ringtones are easy to acquire. Just text PHILROSSI 4 to 9337 and it will be zapped to your phone (you can also type 2 or 3 or 5 in place of the number.. but there IS a space between PHILROSSI and the number) Otherwise, you can click the link above and go right to his page. Also, if you check out this page of his you can purchase the Crescent soundtrack, which, dude, is pretty freakin’ awesome.. in a “so evil this man must be stopped” kind of a way.

Of course, all of this is just a marketing ploy. The sole purpose of these ringtones is to get more listeners. They all have an agenda! I mean, That Hutchins guy has this.. super secret project, and Obsidian going on.
Pshhhfbbt. He’s just looking to get more listeners. OH And guess WHAT?! Seventh Son is hitting the shelves in main stream publication next year. Coincidence? HAH!

And this Sigler monster. You think he’s all innocent and- well we all know he eats babies and kittens. But what could he POSSIBLY be selling, right? Well, his novel Infected did just hit the shelves on April 1 this year.. So he’s just trying to get more buyers. And guess what? There’s gonna be a sequel! There’s all KINDS of sequels gonna be coming out of this guy. He’s after your money, friends. Your money and your sweet, delicious kittens.

“Ooh, but what about Phil Rossi?” You ask. “He’s not part of any evil conspiracy. How could he be?” Ho ho, joke’s on YOU! You know those scary @$$ vignettes he’s composed? The ones that keep me awake at night, jumping at every creepy, mechanical sound? Well, I have it on good authority that he’s making more! And whatever you do, do NOT visit his Myspace page or his music will instantly addict you.